Here are six things you should never say to your spouse. What things can you suggest?
I can’t forgive you for this
If you say to your spouse, “I can’t forgive you for this,” this is a very dangerous place to be because Jesus said in the parable of the unforgiving steward or servant, as some translations say, “that’s why And my heavenly Father will do the same to each of you if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.(Matthew 18:35), and the punishment meted out to the ungrateful steward or servant was beyond description. If we say, “I cannot forgive you,” we leave them no choice. They probably will never change. They may replay the event and harden their hearts, and they may try to end the marriage because for any marriage to survive, both parties need to learn how to accept each other. Pardon. Besides, look how much God has forgiven us!
Whatever
It is understandable for a small child to say this. Not that it’s okay, but when a spouse says “anything,” what they’re really saying is “I don’t care what you do or what you say.” It may sound harmless, but beneath these words are hidden feelings that harbor resentment. It shows that you don’t care, and after a while, your spouse may not care either and may start saying nothing at all.
You never or you always
These statements of “you never” or “you always” are never true. Does one always do something or never do anything? No. This type of language is defeatist. It also gives them an evaluation of you, and that’s not good. The danger is that they may live up to (or fall short of) your expectations, and this can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I hate it when you…
This sentence was left incomplete because it could have ended with so many different things. Instead of saying “I hate it when you do this or that,” say “Honey, you know it really bothers me when you do that.” Focus on the problem, not the person. Hate is too harsh a word to use in any conversation with another person, especially if it is with your spouse.
My friend’s wife/husband always…
Again, I didn’t complete this sentence because you can fill in the blanks with whatever it is. If we say “My friend’s wife/husband does this to his/her husband/wife,” our husbands hear “Why aren’t you like him/her.” It is unfair to compare what other spouses do for their partners. Besides, we don’t really know what goes on behind closed doors. Their marriage may look strong in the public eye, but to the prying eye what really happens is anyone’s guess.
You are just like your mom/dad
This is another unfair comparison. If you wanted your life partner to be like your mother, why did you marry her? Paul wrote that “When they measure themselves against each other and compare themselves with each other, they are incomprehensible” (2 Cor. 10:12).
Conclusion
Other sayings might be “Have you ever thought about working,” “I don’t like your friend,” “It’s all your fault,” “I hate you,” “I want a divorce,” and so on. many others of the kind. Marriage is a miracle in itself. It takes a lot of effort and giving beyond description. It is not what we get from a marriage that makes it work but what we put into it that makes a marriage successful.